The American Psychological Association (APA) defines empathy as the ability to understand a person “from his or her frame of reference rather that one’s own” and also includes experiencing the other person’s feelings, perceptions and thoughts vicariously. In other words, putting oneself in someone else’s shoes.

Empathy is often confused with sympathy, in fact, both words have roots in the Greek term páthos meaning “suffering, feeling.” However, they are two different constructs. While empathy entails the ability to feel someone else’s pain, sympathy looks more like feeling sorrowful over someone else’s pain or misfortune.

Empathy has been identified as one of the most essential elements in developing healthy and loving relationships, and studies have shown that our first experiences with empathy begin at infancy. For example, newborns often react with distress when they hear other babies cry. The ability to feel empathetic towards others is solidified over time through our development. Parents also play a significant role in sustaining the development of empathy in children. Here are a few ways to do so:

1. Model empathetic responses and behaviors

2. Support the child in identifying his/her feelings

3. Help the child name other people’s feelings (role reversal can be a great way to do so)

4. Enable the child in picking up on nonverbal communication and social cues

5. Engage the child in initiating acts of kindness

6. Motivate children through values and intrinsic motivation rather than for extrinsic reward

The more we are exposed to empathetic behaviors and ideas as young children, the more likely we will become adults that are capable of empathy.

Research also indicates that we are wired for empathy, and that our ability to empathize has deep neurological roots. This is mainly linked to our “mirror neurons”, which are a type of nerve cells in our brains that respond when we witness someone else’s facial expressions, emotions or behaviors. This emotional mirroring system gives the viewer a direct feeling of what others feel. For example, have you ever caught yourself smiling while watching a video of someone smiling? Those are your mirror neurons at work!

So why then do some people struggle with accessing their empathy? As human beings, we engage in different psychological and cognitive processes that may sometimes act as barriers to empathy.

One of the barriers can be linked to our attention. This can happen when our attention is focused on own misfortunes, that we are not able to pay attention to others. For most of us, having significant stressors may generate overwhelming feelings of frustration, sadness or anxiety, taking up most of our focus and attention.

Secondly, the way we use our imagination affects our empathy. As human beings we each have certain associations with different groups of people, situations and environments. Therefore, when we come across someone in need (especially strangers), we use our imagination to ascribe a certain set of motivations or intentions to this person. Our imagination, which can sometimes facilitate and empathic response, can also create a barrier towards it. This can also be linked to having a pre-existing narrative about a certain person or group of people. These narratives can stem from historical stories or personal experiences. Detaching from a pre-existing narrative and trying to assess the situation from an objective lens can be helpful if this is something that prevents you from feeling empathetic towards others.

Finally, as human beings we are prone to reaching “observer’s compassion fatigue”. This is quite common for people who identify themselves as empaths. It is also more commonly seen in certain professions such as ones who directly work with psychological, physical or medical trauma. Because empathy requires us to feel what others are feeling, it can sometimes take a toll on our own mental health. In order to combat this, we must have regular self-check-ins and make sure that we are not neglecting our own emotions in the process of being there for others.

Resources:

https://www.dictionary.com/e/empathy-vs-sympathy/

https://www.scholastic.com/teachers/articles/teaching-content/ages-stages-empathy/

https://www.medicalnewstoday.com/articles/319320

https://www.verywellmind.com/what-is-empathy-2795562