Mariam El Halawani Art Psychotherapist MAAT, ATR
Nonverbal communication comprises of anything that is communicated that is not “a word”. Our body language, facial expressions, hand gestures, choice of clothing and much more. As human beings communicate nonverbally throughout the day not just as we interact with others, but also as we present ourselves in the world. Nonverbals are pathways that give insight into much more than what we choose to verbalize. Albert Mehrabian, a prominent scholar in the field of nonverbal communication suggests that only 7% of a message is delivered via the words used, 38% by the way it is said, and the rest 55% is via nonverbal communication. Many other researchers have supported the importance and weight that nonverbal communication holds in our daily relational functioning.
Nonverbal Communication in Relationships Nonverbal cues can tell us a lot about how the other person is feeling and thinking. It definitely is not a form of mind-reading; it is rather an additional avenue that we can explore with our partners to enhance our understanding of each other. This understanding the is cultivated through nonverbal communication often leads to a sense of empathy within the relationship. In fact, researchers have described empath, in itself, as a form of nonverbal communication, and identified it as one of the most important qualities of successful relationships. In a sense, nonverbal communication generates a much more expansive receptive space inside of us, and towards our partners. This expansiveness allows us to go beyond empathy to offer validation, attentiveness, care and support. In reading the benefits of nonverbal communication, it is clear to see that it has a constructive ripple effect on our relationships.
Ways to Improve Nonverbal Communication in our Relationships: ⦁ Doing unexpected small gestures, like buying gifts, helping in chores, cooking a nice dinner ⦁ During disagreements, be mindful of the kind of postures and hand gestures and body language exhibited (ex. banging on a table and rolling hands into fists or eye rolling can add fuel to the argument and spiral out of control) ⦁ Facial expressions are one of the most fundamental cornerstones of improving nonverbal communication, a simple smile and a warm hug can go a long way in letting a partner feel loved ⦁ A simple act of physical touch (pat on the back, a hug) can increase the sense connection and understanding with a partner ⦁ Valuing and respecting physical space promotes respect, whilst disregarding it can feel intimidating and uncomfortable ⦁ During an argument, having a calm and warm expression and tone of voice instead of an angry one can help the other person in not getting agitated or defensive, and thus better chance to resolve it easily
A final note: as much as we spend time trying to cultivate our verbal communication skills and ability to verbalize, as much as it is important to not lose sight of our nonverbal communication skills. It is an important inquiry for each of us to ask ourselves, “how can I improve my nonverbals? Do I need to pay more attention to my partner’s nonverbals? Is there a misattunement in our nonverbal communication space? How can my partner and I increase our presence in the empathetic space between us so that we can better understand each other?
Helpful resources:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fLaslONQAKM
https://plantationrelationshipcounseling.com/power-of-non-verbal-communication/
https://www.marriage.com/advice/communication/nonverbal-communication-in-marriage/
Book: “Nonverbal Communication” by Book by Albert Mehrabian
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