Mariam El Halawani Art Psychotherapist MAAT, ATR
Compromising in relationships is important to ensure that both parties are satisfied and both feel heard. Compromise is a practical way of resolving differences and finding a solution that both parties can live with. It is important to remember that compromise does not mean giving up what is important to you. Instead, it is about finding a way to work together to reach a solution that is beneficial to both. Compromising can be difficult because it often involves making changes and challenging entrenched beliefs. Compromising also requires people to consider the perspectives of others and to be willing to accept some degree of discomfort. It can also be difficult to make compromises if emotions are running high. To compromise, both parties should be willing to listen to each other and take into consideration each other’s point of view. Respect, open communication, and a willingness to find a solution can help foster a successful compromise.
Some Tips on Healthy Compromise
Refrain from having compromise related conversations if emotions are heightened. Wait for a time where both parties are feeling calm and grounded in order to engage in this conversation.
Start by focusing on your common goals: Before you begin to talk through a compromise, it’s important to remember why you both wanted to come to a compromise in the first place. Identifying the shared goals that you both want to achieve can help to keep the conversation focused on finding a resolution that works for both of you.
Talk openly about your different needs: Once you have identified your common goals, it’s time to explore your different needs and preferences. Be honest and open about the things that you both need and want from the compromise.
Be willing to make concessions: Compromise isn’t about getting everything you want. Make sure that both sides are open to making concessions and that no one is trying to get everything they want from the compromise.
Explore different options: After you have identified your common goals and talked through your different needs, it’s time to explore different options that could work for both of you. Brainstorm different ideas and scenarios that could satisfy both of your needs in some way.
Agree on a final solution: Once you have explored different options, it’s time for both parties to come to a solution with conviction, trust and confidence.
A Tip for Reflection
If you find that compromising is generally difficult for you, you might want to engage in some active reflection regarding your own patterns and experiences. For example, if you have experienced a lack of safety in previous relationships, it may affect your ability to compromise as you begin to see it as a threat to your safety. Other reasons that can contribute to difficulty in compromising can include your own relationship with control, rigid thought and behavioral patterns, difficulty trusting others, tendency to people please, or lacking clarity on your own wants and needs.
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