Natalia Gomez Carlier Psychologist & Art Psychotherapist MAAT, ATR-BC
I am a true believer in the power of daily practice. It is through my daily practice that I have been able to implement change. In psychotherapy, I can glimpse my potential and identify my obstacles, creating goals for myself. But it is in daily practice that I get to ground my desire for transformation and effect change in small but incremental ways.
In the past months, I have lost access to my practice. I tried to transform and reshape it when I needed to have a break from exertion, but in the midst of it all, I lost my practice. And then, I had to start over again. It was difficult to begin again. I felt fear and engaged fully in procrastinating. “Next week,” – I would tell myself week after week.
I had to sit and look deeply at why I could not re-engage. Look past the excuses of time and money and look within. Look at the fear that I would be behind my usual capacity and that my regression would show. Although I consciously know this is a ridiculous fear, it is not for my unconscious. The fear of embarrassment and shame is a deep obstacle to my capacity to grow.
Two ideas helped me reengage. Suzuki’s Beginner Mind and the Fresh Start. Suzuki writes, “the mind of the beginner is empty, free of the habits of the expert, ready to accept, to doubt, and open to all possibilities.” This kind of mind is the one that helps us see things as they are instead of seeing our projections and mirroring our own beliefs into the world. This ancient way of being invites the student to teach himself and look for simplicity and straightforwardness in all things. This mind requires our full presence and attention to discover everything as if we were doing it for the first time. It is about living moment by moment. Even though we are supposed to live in this beginner’s mind perpetually and invite this nature into our present, it was starting over that helped me engage with the compassion and openness of the beginner’s mind. To remember that there is no other thing but the present, and as such, I am always beginning again and again.
I also looked at the psychology of the Fresh Start Effect, which recognizes that although transitions can be extremely difficult and painful, starting something comes with a motivational push that helps us. The Fresh Start helps us:
Feel the power of renewal. Having a fresh start helps us build things in the way we want them with a sense of independence that empowers us to make better choices.
It gives us confidence in the feeling of starting a new chapter and letting go of the past, which can feel like a weight has been lifted.
It helps us create a new identity with a sense of having meaning, growth, and responsibility.
It helps us look at the big picture. Sometimes, we get stuck, so having this fresh start helps us look at things from a different perspective and bring that big-picture thinking into supporting us.
It helps us move on and disconnect from old expectations, feelings, and lack of inspiration.
It is hard to start over, to begin again. This is why we stay in jobs and relationships we know are not what we want or what is best for us. But it is beautiful to start over knowing the way. To revisit the road, we know and make some changes along the way. Because when we start over, we are not doing it from zero. Our past experiences, knowledge, and lessons are there waiting to support us. If we fill ourselves with patience and compassion, we can slowly return to our old functioning level and performance and continue to grow from there. Starting over helped me remember that it is not about how much I can do or how far I can reach, but it is more important to practice being in the present.
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