Aarti Odhrani Clinical Psychologist MSc.
Change is inevitable. Like adults, children too can be impacted by repeated transitions. For instance, a change in their parents’ relationship, a shift in the family dynamics, changes in childcare, family illness, death of a close one, loss of a friendship, moving homes, starting at a new school, changes in their daily routines, etc. can lead to stress and a feeling a loss of control.
While some changes can be positive in the long term, repeated transitions can cause instability and reduce the level of predictability in children’s lives. They may respond by exhibiting regressive behaviors, and display symptoms such as low self-confidence, inability to control emotions, changes in eating habits, disturbed sleep, etc. Change can also have an impact on children’s academic achievement and overall mental health. However, children don’t always react to change immediately. This could be because it may take them some time to realize that the change is permanent.
Studies show that factors such as age, gender, temperaments of children and their caregivers, past experiences, the family’s social network, and parenting practices can affect how a transition may impact on a child’s life.
It might be easier to anticipate change at certain times more than others. While it is not uncommon for children (or parents) to resist transitions (or the acknowledgement of it), the first most effective way to deal with it is by accepting it.
As parents or caregivers, we can help our children adjust to the change by:
Speaking to them about it in an age-appropriate way, answering questions to help them understand why the change is happening and what they can expect.
Helping them explore their feelings about the change while listening closely and checking for any fears and anxieties they may have.
Empathizing with them and trying to see things from their perspective.
Noticing any discomfort, we may feel in response to their unpleasant emotions and being mindful of a possible urge to try and “fix it” for them.
Asking them how we can help and what would make them feel more supported.
Scheduling regular check-ins with them. Research shows that spending time with parents, especially during times of change, protects children and adolescents from the onset of depression and reduces symptoms in those who are already depressed.
Reflecting on any changes in their behavior and being patient with them.
Being mindful of imposing harsh consequences on them during times of change, without ignoring unexpected or unacceptable behaviors.
Involving our children in planning for the change as much as possible, to provide them with some sense of control.
For younger children, reading with them, using books that relate to the current situation. This can help start up a conversation, normalize their feelings, and help them come up with a plan on how to work things.
Playing games with our children can relieve stress for us and them, strengthen our bond, and teach them important coping skills.
Change can impact us as much as it can our children. As parents, we too may experience feelings of hopelessness, anxiety, and possibly disempowerment about our children’s future. Therefore, it is necessary for us to be mindful of our own needs, and to be able to act on the parenting advice we offer our children. We need to find a balance between focusing on our responsibilities and meeting the needs of our children, other family members and ourselves. Being a parent is complicated, and it is ok to reach out for support if we need it.
References:
Brighthorizons.com. 2022. Helping Children Deal with Change and Stress. [online] Available at: <https://www.brighthorizons.com/family-resources/articles/e-news/helping-children-deal-with-change-and-stress> [Accessed 13 March 2022].
Manczak, E., Ordaz, S., Singh, M., Goyer, M. and Gotlib, I., 2019. Time Spent with Parents Predicts Change in Depressive Symptoms in Adolescents with Major Depressive Disorder. Journal of Abnormal Child Psychology, 47(8), pp.1401-1408.
Onefamily.ie. 2022. 10 Ways to Support Your Children Through Times Of Change – One Family Ireland. [online] Available at: <https://onefamily.ie/10-ways-to-support-your-children-through-times-of-change/> [Accessed 13 March 2022].
Sutherland, A., 2014. How Instability Affects Kids. [online] Institute for Family Studies. Available at: <https://ifstudies.org/blog/how-instability-affects kids#:~:text=Undergoing%20repeated%20transitions%20can%20cause,academic%20achievement%20and%20mental%20health.> [Accessed 13 March 2022].
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