Connection, communication and community are all being tested by this invisible force. Our sense of normalcy is being seized and molded one day at a time and our interpersonal lives are being directly targeted due to this. There have been shifts in relationships for some, changes in roles within and outside our family systems for others. Responsibilities are changing, we are grieving, and social distancing is playing a massive role in building and dismantling connection and communication. Here we explore the very real interpersonal consequences of this cloud of uncertainty, constant change, and consequent adversity. We seek to question if the obstacles and potential inability to cope interpersonally during these times will in turn have a compounding effect on our emotional health. We hope to instill awareness and a better understanding of the above and provide strategies that will help us identify contributing factors to interpersonal issues, subsequently manage their effects and aid us in improving our mental wellbeing during this pandemic.

What is interpersonal coping?

This two-part phenomenon must be broken down to be fully understood. Interpersonal is defined as “being, relating to, or involving relations between persons”. Interpersonal coping is the link between relationships, connection, communication and how we cope on a daily basis, how we minimize and tolerate stress and/or conflict. It is a vital part of our overall wellbeing, as well as the key to how we relate to, understand, and connect with the world around us.

What are some of the signs and factors to look out for?

There are several aspects to consider when trying to manage stress and lower conflict in relationships during this time. Being mindful of what is happening internally for you when trying to navigate what is transpiring in a relationship can serve you and your relationship well. This will promote processing and working through emotions over projecting it onto others. The impact of stress on our window of tolerance is another factor to be conscious of. Our window of tolerance indicates how much we can cope with, emotionally, before shutting down or setting off. This is where we have the capacity to self-soothe and self-regulate. Leaving our window of tolerance causes emotional dysregulation and activates our fight or flight responses which pushes us to react with defensiveness. This could create obstacles in communication which can subsequently create ruptures in relationships.

Strategies to consider for emotional health and interpersonal perseverance:

Staying within our window of tolerance, emotional regulation and communication are key in managing relationships during this time. Therefore, this section will share how individuals can achieve a flexible capacity for the regulations of emotional processes and improve communication through attainable and applicable coping strategies to persevere interpersonally. 

First and foremost, feel your feelings. It is necessary to identify, name, validate and process our feelings. Mindful awareness is a great way to sit with emotions without judgment. Mindfulness prevents rumination and feelings of being stuck. Processing our emotions through mindfulness practices such as breathwork, mindful movement and meditation allows us to regulate our emotions, decrease reactivity and increase response flexibility.

This takes us to creating space. We require space for self-care and processing during this time. Self-care is essential in a relationship. Meeting your needs means you are able to meet the needs of others as it is difficult to pour from an empty cup. Great ways to create space include going for a walk, sitting with yourself, spending time away from your daily chores and duties for some calm or engaging in activities that bring you joy. For some, this might be physically impractical. In this case, find innovative ways to make space symbolically. Journaling or art-making can offer figurative spaces for us to explore, ponder and reflect away from the responsibilities of daily life. With the added awareness that our window of tolerance has probably narrowed, creating space might also indicate the need to consider reestablishing boundaries with loved ones. This can lower the chances of irritability and conflict.

Cognitive reappraisal is another tool that we might benefit from. This process involves thought replacement, situational role reversals and shifting perspectives during stressful times. It encourages adaptability and acceptance. An unexpected strategy that has also shown to help during stressful times is humor. Clinical studies have shown humor decreases levels of stress hormones, such as cortisol and epinephrine, and increases the activation of the mesolimbic dopaminergic reward system which encourages reward-related motor function learning and promotes our subjective perception of pleasure. Therefore, clinically, laughter is indeed medicine for stressful times! 

And finally, we may conclude by bringing it together with creativity. Creativity is a great avenue to instill numerous strategies stated above. Art-making can create space in symbolic and abstract ways, promote self-care and support in the validation, understanding, and processing of difficult emotions. Practicing creativity with others also promotes authentic connections in non-confrontational ways. Activities such as cooking together, painting together, playing games are meaningful ways to communicate and collaborate.

References:

Baumeister, R., Vohs, K., Nathan DeWall, C. and Liqing Zhang. (2007). How Emotion Shapes Behavior: Feedback, Anticipation, and Reflection, Rather Than Direct Causation. Personality and Social Psychology Review, 11(2), 167-203.

Berk, L., Tan, S., Fry, W., Napier, B., Lee, J., & Hubbard, R. et al. (1989). Neuroendocrine and Stress Hormone Changes During Mirthful Laughter. The American Journal Of The Medical Sciences, 298(6), 390-396. doi: 10.1097/00000441-198912000-00006

Cole, P., Michel, M. and Teti, L., (1994). The Development of Emotion Regulation and Dysregulation: A Clinical Perspective. Monographs of the Society for Research in Child Development, 59(2/3).

Choudhury, M. (2020). What is Emotion Regulation? + 6 Emotional Skills and Strategies. Retrieved 20 June 2020, from https://positivepsychology.com/emotion-regulation/
Grecucci, A., Theuninck, A., Frederickson, J., & Job, R. (2015). Mechanisms of social emotion regulation: From neuroscience to psychotherapy. Emotion regulation: Processes, cognitive effects and social consequences, 57-84.

Definition of INTERPERSONAL. (2020). Retrieved 20 June 2020, from https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/interpersonal

Pay Attention to Your Window of Tolerance — Banana Tree Log. (2020). Retrieved 20 June 2020, from https://www.bananatreelog.com/blog/window-of-tolerance

Savage, B., Lujan, H., Thipparthi, R. and DiCarlo, S. (2017). Humor, laughter, learning, and health! A brief review. Advances in Physiology Education, 41(3), 341-347.

Siegel, D. (2020). The Developing Mind: How Relationships and the Brain Interact to Shape Who We Are (3rd ed.). New York: Guilford Press.
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